Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

Rachel D.
New Rochelle, New York USA



R: Hello?
D: Hey Baby.
R:...Who is this?
D: Have you really forgotten my voice already?
R: If this is some kind of a joke -
D: It's not a joke, sweetie - how could it be a joke?
R: It can't be real. This is impossible...
D: Didn't I tell you that anything is possible?
R: No. You told me so many things... but never that.
D: That doesn't mean it's not true.
R: It doesn't mean it is... and the things that you did tell me, were those things true?
D: I meant everything I said to you, that's one promise I can keep.
R: But there were already so many broken promises... so many... don't you know how much they hurt me?
D: I know, Ray, I know - I only realized too late. And then there was nothing anyone could do about it.
R: You know, I think about you every day.
D: No you don't.
R: Most days... It's so hard, to keep you in my mind, because you're not here.
D: How long has it been?
R: Too long... so long.
D: Only a few years.
R: Only a few years, and then forever.
D: I think about you every day. Every moment. You know that I'm so proud of you, that I'm still so impressed by who you are, don't you?
R: Are you really? It haunts me...
D: Of course I am, so proud... I love you so much, you have to know that.
R: I love you, so endlessly, with my whole heart, with my whole being!
D: Your heart is too full and too wonderful to belong to only me. You give some to everyone. My piece is there, but it's not the biggest one anymore... and I understand that. I'm so happy for you.
R: I'm not angry with you... honestly, I'm not. You need to know that.
D: Of course you are, sweet heart - how could you not be? I made so many mistakes... and there's no way I can make it up to you, I know that.
R: I was, for a long time - but not anymore. I need you to see that.
D: It's okay - you know - it's okay to be angry, or to feel sad, or even to feel like you're the only person in the world who's suffering.
R: It hurts so much... my chest aches, and my head... Every time I think about you, I can't breath.
D: It's okay to not think about it. To forget. I understand that.
R: No, no - never! I couldn't...
D: It's okay, baby. My little baby... You went from being the size of my hand, to this fine young woman, and I wasn't even around to see most of it. I'm so sorry, Rachel, you'll never know how sorry I am. I love you so much.
R: It gets harder and harder every day to hear your voice... I'm not so sure I can, anymore... not so clearly. I can't feel you here with me, I can't... Oh god, I'm so sorry, Daddy, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that my life is moving on, if there was a way...
D: It happens like that, I know it. You shouldn't be sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, I forgive you. I forgive you for being happy. I forgive you for moving forward, and growing, and living on, without me. You have to know that there's nothing else you could do, and I'm so happy for you and for your progress.
R: Oh, Daddy, what happened? What happened to this life? You were so close to fixing everything... so close to having the life that you wanted. That we wanted. Why did this happen?
D: I don't know, Honey, I couldn't even guess... I wish that I could still be there, though, like you have no idea... I wish that I could be there with you. That I could hold you. That I could help you feel better. Feel happier. That I could take care of you... but you don't really need me there anymore, do you? You've learned to be so independent... My big girl, now. Even when I was around, I could see it.
R: I'll always need you! Always! No matter what happens, or changes... I'll always miss you...
D: Don't say that, sweet heart, learn from the master - don't make promises you can't keep.
R: I love you. That's a promise, isn't it? That's a promise I can keep.
D: I love you, too, with my whole heart. With my whole being.
R: ...I forgive you, too. I really do. I could never stay angry...
D: Not for any extended amount of time, huh?
R: Dad...?
D: Anything, baby... anything.
R: I need to know... is this just in my head... or is it real? Am I really talking to you?
D: I never did get to read that one... I would have, though... so I'll take my answer from a wise man. "Of course it's happening inside your head, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" You know I love you. Forever, for always. But you just don't need me anymore.
R: Of course I do! And I love you, too, so much. Forever.
D: Goodnight, baby... sweet dreams.
R: No, I'm not ready to let go, I'm not ready to let you go!
D: You've always been ready, Baby. Take good care of yourself, and know that you're so much lovelier than you think.
R: But Dad -