Learning To Love You More
HELLO ASSIGNMENTS DISPLAYS LOVE GRANTS REPORTS SELECTIONS OLIVERS BOOK

 ASSIGNMENTS:

 

 

Assignment #37
Write down a recent argument.

Cassie Ashbridge
Rotherham, UK

REPORTS:

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(I'm opening a new tin of cat food and my girlfriend Kerry is watching me, I start putting food in their bowls)
Kerry: Is that all your putting in?
Me: No, i havent finished yet.
Kerry: Well make sure you give them enough.
Me: I always give them enough! When they walk away theres still food in their dishes.
Kerry: Alright, god. I was just saying.
Me: Well don't. You always tell me how to feed them. Just because you feed your pets loads.
Kerry: No, i dont.
Me: Yeah you do. Like, a whole can or something....each!
Kerry: Yeah, well, Sam's (her dog) bigger than your cat.
Me: No, shes not! Look at Jack (i point to one of my cats). Hes huge, infact he is a fucking dog! Plus Sam's old and doesnt eat as much anyway. Jacks a growing cat n needs loads.
Kerry: Exactly! Thats why you need to feed him more!
Me: (Stuttering) Look! He's fine as he is! Thats how much my mum gives him and he fucks off outside after that so he obviously doesnt need anymore. AND i put biscuits on top.
Kerry: So.
Me: So they swell up about 5 times as big when they touch water so it makes them fuller.
Kerry: But they're not in water.
Me: Its already in their bellys!
(Kerry pulls her baby face as if im shouting too loud)
Me: Enough now. And dont pull that face, i was only saying.
Kerry:........
Me: Do you love me?
Kerry: Course I do (stil pulling the face)
Me: I love you too. Lets go in the other room or something because this food smells.
Kerry: (laughs) Ok then.