Learning To Love You More




Assignment #14
Write your life story in less than a day.

Benjamin Wolff
Portland, Orgeon



My life story goes something like this. . . .I have about 35 min. on the public computer here at library in Portland, OR. I was born a special spiritual soul taking upon the shealth September 3, 1974 in the rolling Application hills of eastern Pennsylvania. My mom always tells me she always had a very special feeling about me, a feeling she nurtured intensely through hugs and all sorts of love through my younger years. Needless to explain more, things in my earlier years were very comfortable. My favorite story about my younger years was one my Grandmother Helen often tells me happened in her Luthern church. There was a sermon going on and they turned out the lights as part of the message. Which the lights off, my voice was countinuly heard as I constantly would say, "lights on", "lights on". What can I say, I love God and do my best to focus on all his magnifincance. Sure, he didn't give me the gift of spelling, amongist other things, but certainly gave me a fevor for his love and our connectedness with each other particularly. Yeah, I suffered through alot of shit, who hasn't? Yeah, eventually it got so bad I hospitalized myself before. I say this to let it be known I'm no stranger to depression and losing touch with what I really know to be true. Sometimes I think the more senstive a individual is, the more apt he is to grow, grow, grow... I may sound a bit, or a lot egotistical. That's because I am. I really appreciate who I am, what I've learned through my younger brother's liver transplant, my family's later collapse, degridation, and seperation. My own problems of 'self-medication' certainly didn't help lifes' circumstances. Rather just psychosis, lost relationship-particularly that with my ex-wife Denise, and manic depression have added spin and the occasional tantrum to my life's story. Travel has been good, but the experience in the moment has been much more recognizible. A unexpected charasmatic holy ghost experience happened to me while age 14 on a Christian retreat. All I can say is that the unconditional love shared, felt, percieved during and after the experience was totally illuminating. My heart would never be the same. Heart, Soul, inner-self, however you want to label it - My best stuff got a lot better. Vibration took to a new level. Sure, life's inconsistancy's do their thing and emotional, eitheral distraction takes place. But I always have that potential for unconditional, appreciative, positive, receptive energy. I just can't figure out how certain individuals like Miranda July do everything they do, see everything they see, Love everything they love. I would like to have those perceptions and attributions but my uniqueness doesn't hold such amazing abilities. I can't do very well with secular goals and status achievements, but I would rather have, here we go - Christian love. I would say spiritual love but I feel moved to always incorperate Christ and his message, meccaship, and Love, Love, Love. Christ was the metaphysical backbone of my experience of younger days, although I still concentrate on making it every day. Did I mention Love yet? My questions of Hell led me into a eventual B.A. of Religion-GENERAL STUDIES when I went through undergraduate study at a small liberal arts school in Western Pennsylvania. I like the name Pennsylvania, I feel like everybody should, but that's just not the way it is. The library is closing, as is my story. Peace always to any reader. The force is always with us, ya know? Let your intuition be your light saber, huh? For a fellow who doesn't like to preach, I sure do a lot. Forgive me as our Father-Mother God has forgiven us. LOVE - -+++