Learning To Love You More




Assignment #14
Write your life story in less than a day.

San Francisco, California USA



i was born june 13th 1971 to two youth--my father was rescued by my mother from a local reform school,she had snuck out of her room w/a chum and met my dad who also snuckout of his living scene. My grandfather hooked him up w/a job he moved in and then it was off to the races. I was born a yr later--in southdakota, the black hills that is--home of legendary crazy horse. my grandfather was a full-blooded choctau indian, my grandmother was irish,cherokee and jewish. the first house i lived in was pink and i remember my mother being an avid cleaner while my pops waz away at work, she had an extremely nervous disposition, and was obssesed w/making sure the hs was perfect. Little did my fatehr know, till it came out on my face that she would beat the hell out of me,alot of her angst came out and i grew up learning to go in very quickly. so i pxed up reading, the newspaper became my hobby even though i couldn't understand i pretended to,becuz i could float way. my parents soon divorced and we moved into my grandparents, then our own lil'ol trailer. it was actually a mobile home, my mother began to drink and my father bailed to pismo beach to surf and also marry a woman he'd met at a bar and fallen in love with--my mom never let me forget it. I also had two younger brothers, my dad left my mom when she was pregnant w/the third one. I grew up quickly i do not recall alot of childhood activites cuz i became busy taking care of my brothers. due to my mom's drinking, we were put in fosterhomes at a young age, my brother's and me were spilt up, this lasted afew mths then returned to a working stable mom. yet it didn't last. i still read like the bookworm to be--and my brothers graduated into living w/my grandparents. School was no problem, cuz it was an escape. Until i met the neighborhood hellraiser, she took me under her wing, let me stay the nite w/her, she had huge breasts and she was obessed w/protecting me, becuz my mom was still beating the hell out of me. I didn't smoke or drink i'd sit on the sidelines and observe, the drama fascinated me more then the act itself. my dad popped back into the picture and decided he wanted a go at raising my brothers and me. hence, the great custody battle of the state of wyoming--back n forth like duncan yo-yos we went. and at one of these swings of the string, i drank--yippeeskippe a fifth of jack w/the mayors daughter and my buddy melissa--i sang, i screamed--i puked. i progressed to pot the nxt yr, yet didn't really groove w/the whole mentalmotion it gave me. my parents cued in and teamed together to find that my best interests weren't at home, yet in a grp home--alas surrounded by youth of the same familia dysfunction!! i bailed--to live on the streets keeping my wit,my virginity and pxing up crafty ways to pursue different hobbies. one of them being babysitting--i lived w/a stripper, took care of her babinos, and in the daytime she showed me how to break into houses where i back a quick pro, due to my athletic prowess and swift legs!!! my parents came a hunting--and they scooped me up back into the net of the system. i ended up in a long-term grp home where i made numerous attempts at running away. i lost my virginity at 15, and my first orgasm w/my punxrox boyfriend who played bass, and i just couldn't get enough--how lucky i felt to catch on like that, and not be tortured by a nimrod humping his brains out on top of me. i'd been masturbating for awhile, so the trick of the trade came and came and came!!! onward--i graduate highschool w/5 scholarships, go to college do acid, dropout travel across the country to follow this idioticband the dead that play the same shit yet different shows, just for fun--and different scenery. meet a guy in new york moved there, love newyork, the people, the pizza, the ability to stereotype,broadcast and give a voice to yr choice of life. my mom dies. sudden carwreck--im a wreck, we move to seattle--i'm pretty paralyzed, the last conversation i have with her i open up my heart, i tell her my secrets(sex,drugs, rocknroll)its horrid--i decide i must have child--i concieve, move to newmexico live in a kiva, get natured out, have a natural childbirth,30hrs of long hard pain--save the placenta--then bury it after an incident occurs w/our electricity accidentally getting shutoff and the fridge defrosting. i'm total postpartem, no mom, no love from partner who constatly bickers w/me. childhood trauma and lifes mysteries hit me at fullforce. i decide we must cut off from society, go live in oregon in the woods, no phone,noelectricity,no placentas!!! my daughter is beautiful, blue eyes, smile so wide a joy a bundle a great surprise. too bad her dad just wasn't what i wanted. we spilt, she went w/him, cuz i felt broke,unloved and a basic wreck--heroin followed suit and i grew back seven yrs in spiritual growth(or the ability to even grow at all) i thought it was the dam to my river of truth. no dice rolled there, just more misery. i met a tattoo artist he was a junky i thought it was cosmic,it turned out karmic, we had a kid--another beautiful daughter--brown hair brown eyes--he bailed, i stayed, yet i'v now had to battle this demon--and im kinda going thru it right now--cuz she's in a foster home due to this hideous disease and actually writing this i know helps cuz at least i'm getting it out of me. if you read pray.
i pray i can stop any pattern which happened to me--i pray to be the woman i know that really lives inside, the one that wasn't shown the light right away, but is learning, and growing. thanks for letting me share--im going thru the court thing, its looking okay--im clean and sober, have a house, in school and basically blessed to even be typing my life story in an hr--cheers