Learning To Love You More




Assignment #53
Give advice to yourself in the past.

British Columbia, CANADA



Age 12: Do not get in the truck with your stepdad! Something beyond awful is going to happen. What it does to your family and to you is tragic. You will never get over it completely. But you will be ok. Tell your Dad and his girlfriend about it. They'll be hurt when they find out months later from someone other than you. Cry and Cry and Cry. Do not bottle it up. The bottle is going to explode in a couple years. Confront your Mom about it earlier too. Ask her why the fuck she forgave him.
Age 14: Be kinder to your friends. Try to make more friends outside your little group. Know that there is life outside your dumb little clique.
Age 15: Do not make out with C. He is ridiculously good-looking, I know, and you are very drunk, I know. But it will lead to much heart-ache. Do not go out with boys you know you don't like and then cheat on them and break their hearts. It's mean. Do not lead on boys you aren't attracted too just because you like the attention. It's going to bit you in the ass. Do not listen to gossip about you. There is a big world out there and some rumours in the stupid little town your in DO NOT matter. L is a bitch, ignore her.
Age 16: If you really need to run away, do it. Get far the fuck away from the stupid, little town. But call your parents and foster mom and let them know your safe. They get really worried and you still feel guilty about all the pain you caused. See if you can find a better way to get out of the stupid, little town than hitch-hiking. When you get to Calgary DO NOT jump that fence. You'll rip your only pair of jeans and it will make you feel desperate. When B asks you if you need a place to stay for the night, say NO. Do not trust strangers, do not do drugs with them, and when they ask you if you want to sleep on the couch or in their bed, say the couch. I know you only want to cuddle but he doesn't and things are going to get fucked up. When you get to Toronto and finally talk to your foster Mom do not agree to fly back to your stupid, little town right away. I know it seems a lot nicer to stay in a house when your living in shelter in the winter but when you go back nothing is going to be different. You are going to be even sadder and more desperate.
Do not take all those pills. You've got a lot of good stuff coming up. Hang in there. Have Hope. You are well loved.
Be grateful when you get shipped out to live with your gran. She is one of the most wise, gracious and loving women you will ever meet. Soak it all in. You will be devastated when she dies.
Age 17: Forgive your father for all the drugs and not being there during your teenage years, Tragic things have happened to him that make him use. Have empathy, he loves you more than anything else in the world. But do not move in with him. He's going to relapse over and over again while your there and it's going to rip you to bits to watch.
Age 18: Go to university in another city other than the one you graduated high-school in. Get far away from your Dad, mom, step-dad and all the rest sooner. Your going to do really good on your own. Travel. Have fun! Feel Free! Make Art. Write. Go to texas with Grams and really get to know her. She is another amazing lady.
Age 21: Always wear a helmet when you ride your bike. Check your brakes before every ride to make sure they're working properly. After the accident relearn fearlessness. I know. All these awful things happen and you want to curl up and be cautious and protect yourself from hurting again. But you should know by now that you are resilient and plucky and anything could happen and you would end up ok. You must keep living and trying and doing. No regrets. God kept you alive for a reason. Make art. Travel. Have more fun. Make more friends.