ASSIGNMENTS:
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Tyler
Long Beach, California USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS NEXT
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Advice to Tyler, age 15.
1. Nice Ass will agree to go out with you, but she's mostly a bitch, and while Juggs might be slightly overweight, she'll love you in half a second and won't cheat on you with that prick from your AP english class.
2. DogDog is bad people. Don't let him convince you to "push" anything for him. The money isn't worth it at your age.
Age 17:
1. Congratulations on finally getting your license! On that note, don't drive around with Amanda in your car. Believe it or not, your dad will see you two doing rather dirty things in that car off campus. Yes, it will be quite awkward. Yes, you will get in trouble.
2. Hold onto Amanda. Being in independant studies and having little to no responsability may be nice, but your promoting job isn't too much for you, so don't tell her that. She's actually an amazing girl and you will regret ever letting her out of your sight.
Age 18:
1. Listen to more Tom Waits. It might confuse and scare you at first, but you'll end up inspired beyond your wildest dreams.
2. Beauty school will certainly get you laid, this is true. However, it will not work out in the long run. You'll end up transferring to a better school in San Francisco. You will end up graduating top of your class. You will get offers from amazing salons all over the country. You will also end up stressed, unhappy, depressed, drunk, and divorced. Save yourself the drama and go to a real college.
Age 20:
1. I know you're very excited to be living in LA, but the drugs are not worth all this. Seriously, you just called your first fiance to tell her you'll always love her, and that you hope you don't die in the ambulence.
2. Blow makes bad things happen, and you thought drunk dialing was bad.
3. You made a very good choice taking that job for Greenpeace, but try to keep your pride in check, it will get you fired about a year and a half later.
Age 21:
1. Whatever you do, don't trust Charles. He seems like a great guy, and very solid, but he will end up turning into the biggest prick you've ever met. He still owe's you roughly $1200.
2. Vanessa will be a very bad experience, but it's also one that you need. You'll fall in love with her, then want her to die, then you'll realize that she taught you a lot about yourself and how you deal with women. Odds are you'll never speak to her again, but it's all worth it.
3. Don't go to the silver fox. ever. you'll drink too much wild turkey, make out with a guy, and crash through your ex's screen door. She will threaten you with a restraining order. You don't need that shit after all the unpaid tickets you have thusfar.
Age 22:
1. Be single. All these upcoming relationships will do very little for you in the long run, and the sex isn't as great as you think.
2. Don't trust Sheryl so much. Date her, but only because you'll be homeless for a few months and she will agree to let you stay with her. She'll end up being a stripper and breaking your heart Hollywood style, but at least you don't have to sleep in your car.
3. J.P. is your best friend. He has been for a couple years, and you need him. Yes, you may think he's fucked you over after the Steph incident, but in all honesty, he took a bullet for you. He's your partner in music, and in life. He is the music to your lyrics, and you are the writer to his musings on the guitar. One day you two will be famous together.
4. Keep writing that book, you've got something special there.
5. Don't Panic.
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