ASSIGNMENTS:
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Joanna
Oxford, UK
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REPORTS:
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Advise to Joanna, ages 20 - 22:
1. Right now you are trying to stop a relationship which is going to last another year at least, because you love her and you want this right now. Kick back and let it roll, you're going to come to this conclusion anyway, so you may as well do it sooner and enjoy the whole thing a lot more in the process. Also, try to love her back. See what happens.
2. Don't tell everyone, everything, all of the time. The importance you place on honesty is admirable, but you're confused and you don't understand your own feelings/thoughts - it's unfair to keep impressing them on other people, when they change all the time. You're only just learning the life is not black&white simple and most things cannot, or do not want to be, clearly defined. Let it go, you don't need to understand it all. You won't for a long time, if ever.
3. Go to that Ani difranco gig, you will always regret not going.
4. Whatever people say on the outside about God and religion and homosexuality, don't let it affect the God you know. He is love and He does love you. It will send you crazy trying to end this relationship that you want to be in because other people are telling you to, based on what they think God wants. I'm not sure he agrees with it, I doubt he approves of the sexual aspects, but above everything he loves you - don't let it drive a wedge between you.
5. You are going to spend a long time living in guilt and regret at the choices you've made and way you've handled things. Don't. Most of it you couldn't have done differently.
6. That said, don't go on the anti-depressants. They're going to mess with you're system and leave you in a worse way. Seek counselling/pcos support first. Go to Church and find people to talk about feeling depressed with, or it will get worse.
7. Don't put the deposit down for the house in Manchester. Finish your final term then say your goodbyes. It's ok - people will think you're a loser, and it sucks that it didn't work out, but you're going to get into Oxford, which is all you've ever wanted.
8. Be gentle with your Mum. She loves you, but she can't handle all the burdening and she doesn't deserve it. Spread the load by talking to other friends etc. You don't like to admit, but you've been wrapped in cotton wool and so protected from the world, that these things are harder for you. That's ok, just push through. Things are going to get worse, but you're going to push through, and you will not die yet.
9. He loves you. You don't love him. No, you don't, stop trying to because you feel guilty about hurting him, and because you're scared no-one will love you again. The romantic story hasn't worked out - he was not the one. You've crushed him, now leave him alone. Do not go back to that place each year, it's not fair on him, and it'll stop you both from moving on.
10. When you arrive at Oxford, do not, I repeat, DO NOT get involved with Bob, under no circumstances. The sex is OK, but not mind-blowing, and not worth the aggravation. It's ok that you had a relationship with a girl - let that end, but don't fill her shoes straight away, and especially not with a boy like Bob. He does not care, he will sleep with the German girl, and the fact that you were right all along will be of small consolation.
11. Do your Greek, just do it. That goes for all work - get it down, even if it's rubbish. Otherwise you're going to have to defer, and the whole thing will be harder and more soul-destroying!
12. When you commit to something, follow through. Don't change plans and let people down because something better comes up - it takes you too long to figure this out.
13. Go to an arcade fire gig before they get huge.
14. Don't get naked with George. It'll end either way, at least this way you hold something back.
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