Learning To Love You More




Assignment #53
Give advice to yourself in the past.

Jess Geddes
Halifax, Nova Scotia CANADA



Advice to myself at age 17:
The only advice that I can offer to you today Jess after the debacle that was yesterday, is to keep on loving. Even when it is not reciprocated, always take that chance because some day in the future that you so very desire to be able to predict, it will pay off for you. Your heart may be broken right this minute, as it so often has been in your past, I want you to know that someday you will find a love that will make you feel like you're flying and like you're invincible for more than a few months, and it won't fade away.
Remember to keep her close to you, even if only as a friend, let all these months of anticipation and daydreaming drain from you and don't let them make your heart heavy because it will change the way you interact with her. Put on a smile, and never let her know how much you cried on the way home on the bus. Don't think about it as a lost opportunity but more as an opportunity changing its course. Always remember the way she looked at you when you first met and keep that close to you, because even if she will not love you now, she most certainly liked you then. Don't run over every little thing you've said or done looking for the initial moment that you started to lose her. Remember how good it felt to not be nervous around her, how many butterflies you got whenever you held hands or hugged and how healthy and in control you felt; keep these memories close because I know you have the strength to make them heal you instead of hurt you. Remember them (in a positive way) every time you see her. Appreciate the fact that she is going to remain in your life. Take every chance you have to show even the smallest kindness to her, and to others as well. Try and feel more comfortable and confident in your own skin, being gay is probably the best thing that ever happened to you.
You will find a love that will be able to match yours completely someday, remember that you're only 17 and you have so many years ahead of you. Don't let it be your main focus right now to find synchronicity with someone else, find it with yourself. Be at peace and go with the flow; love and cherish your university experience and never forget that you belong here, no matter how unsure you are. Don't doubt yourself so much; you're a good person. Remember "you learn, with every goodbye, you learn" and "to thyself, be true".
That's all you need to know today Jess, every time I look into the mirror and see you, I see less and less of a self conscious wayward teenager and more of an incredibly diverse and lovely woman taking her place. Don't grow up too fast, will you?