Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

Kim Raynor
Salt Lake City, Utah USA



Me: Hello?
Paul: Hi, Kim.
Me: Paul?
Paul: Yeah.
Me: I miss you.
Paul: I miss you, too.
Me: Are you . . . okay?
Paul: I'm okay. There's so much . . . so much to tell.
Me: Yeah. Me too.
Paul: How are you
Me: Um, I'm good. Really good.
Paul: I'm glad. There's so much that I want for you.
Me: There's so much that I want . . . wanted . . . for you.
Paul: What is your life like now?
Me: It's great. I'm really very happy. But I miss you every day.
Paul: Do you remember that day?
Me: Hmm.
Paul: The day it happened?
Me: Yeah.
Paul: The day I died?
Me: Yes.
Paul: You know, it wasn't your fault.
Paul: Kim, you know that, right?
Me: Yeah.
Paul: Do you really?
Me: Yes! Everyone has told me.
Paul: But you don't believe them?
Paul: Kim?
Me: No.
Paul: Why not?
Me: I was right there. So close.
Paul: It's okay.
Me: No! It's not okay. I'm your big sister. I was supposed to take care of you. I was supposed to protect you.
Paul: Kim.
Me: Don't tell me it wasn't my fault! I could have stopped it. If I had been there. If I hadn't been so wrapped up in myself. So selfish.
Paul: You were just a kid. What were you . . .
Me: I could have stopped you . . . if I was there . . . but I wasn't. . . I wasn't there.
Paul: It's nobody's fault.
Me: I made you go out there. I wouldn't let you play with me because you were messing up my Barbies. My stupid toys.
Paul: What?
Me: You wanted to play with us. With me and Amy. But we didn't want you to because you were messing up our stuff. So we made you leave. You just wanted to play but we wouldn't let you. So you went out to the living room. And Mom was in the kitchen and Dad was outside. Mom thought you were with us. But you . . . you wanted to see Dad. So you went outside. But Dad didn't know you were there. He thought you were with us. And that's when you fell.
Me: You must have been so scared.
Paul: Just for a minute. And then it was over.
Me: Really?
Paul: Yeah.
Me: Did it hurt?
Paul: No.
Me: Oh.
Paul: It's not your fault.
Me: I know that. I just wish . . . well, you know.
Paul: I know. I have to go now.
Me: Yes.
Paul: But I'm okay. And I'll see you later.
Me: (laughing) Not soon, I hope.
Paul: (laughing) No, but someday.
Me: I love you forever.