Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

New Orleans, Louisiana USA



ME: Just shut up and listen.
I wish youd be straight with me, because youre confusing the hell out of me. YOU came after ME, and have known my situation from the beginning. Weve become amazing friends over the past year & a half. I miss that. What happened? We used to talk for five to six hours every night having the greatest time.
Isnt it obvious why Im upset & disappointed? For months, weve been discussing your trip here. You promised to spend as much time as possible with me. You made up all these dates for us to go on: going out to eat, ice cream in the park, your dad taking us on neighborhood tours, watching movies, meeting your buddies, etc. Even though it all sounded wonderful, I said how unrealistic it was. I knew youd be busy and have a ton of people to see. But, you promised over & over. So how did it come to the only time I saw you was for fifteen minutes, after I basically forced you to?
You tell me Im crazy for thinking my trip to see you changed things. Why wouldnt I? Things were fine, I came and we had a great time, then it all stopped. Obviously Im going to think you didnt enjoy yourself. I know you had a lot going on after, but everyone has a few minutes a day just to call & say hi. Im the queen of having a chaotic life, but I always think of you & want to call to see how you are. Can you blame me for questioning the validity of the things you tell me? You love me & miss me so much. Ok. Youre proving the opposite. When you love & miss someone, you do what you can to show them how you feel. Especially if you have the opportunity to talk to & see them, you take it. Unless you dont mean any of it. If thats the case, stop saying it. Please.
Then, theres wanting to take the sexual aspect out of things while youre here. Not that I even have a chance to see you to even do anything sexual to you So, its ok where you live, but not where I live? What the f***? Whats the difference where we are? You attribute this to him being in this state. Dont you think hes screwed up enough in my life? Why give him exactly what he wants?
Also, quit throwing the married with a kid in my face every chance you get-rather when you need another excuse. Theres no need to mention it unless one of us is moving to be with the other or you want to ask me to marry you. We both know neither will happen. My marriage is only a technicality at this point. Its been over for so long & theres just no way out at the moment. Even if I wasnt married, what would it change? And why do you have to make me having a child a negative thing? You two loved each other; the bond that was formed was absolutely beautiful. I know how badly you want a family of your own. Believe me, I wish I could be the one to give you that joy. I didnt tell you before, but I took a test-even though it was almost impossible. Just the thought of it The one girl who wouldve kept your baby isnt pregnant. How ironic.
Maybe you do understand what it feels like to want something and it is so far out of reach. I have no idea what is in your head or your heart. I would love if you would open up to me and tell me whats going on. You clam up every time. Sure, you blurt out a few things when youre wasted, but do you really mean them? You say youre miserable. Cant I help a little or do I just make it worse? Havent you told me for so long that the connection we have is something special? You always say we unknowingly had a spark in high school fourteen years ago. You told me this was just the beginning. Could the ending have arrived so quickly? Im so lost. Please stop saying how much you love me. Please stop using everything I say & do against me, telling me Im causing pressure. Pressure to do what? Its extremely difficult walking on eggshells all the time. I know Im just your fake girlfriend and you have no obligations to me whatsoever, but If you love someone who loves you back, whats-ugh. Please dont break your last promise-you promised you wouldnt run away. I miss you as my friend. I miss us. And I do love you.
HIM: Dont you get it?!! All of this is because I am so in love with you! I have no idea how to handle whats between us. I loved you being with me more than you can imagine. I want that trip as reality. My feelings scared me to death, so I shut down. Im sorry Ive broken so many promises. Everyday, Ive wanted to show up at your door, hold your gorgeous face in my hands, look into those loving green eyes of yours, and just squeeze you. Instead of torturing myself with thinking of how I feel & then remember that we cant be together, I just ignored everything. When I hear your voice, it kills me, especially when youre upset with me. I want you. I love you. We love each other. What are we going to do, angel?