Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

Athens, Georgia USA



Me: Hello?
Him: Hey.
Me: Hey, what's up?
Him: Oh, nothin', just sittin' on the porch drinkin' can-beer.
Me: Heh. Exciting.
Him: Yeah. Listen, do you have those books? Graduation's comin' up, so I was thinkin' I should get them back before that.
Me: Oh, no problem. I can leave them at the hall.
Him: Uhh, yeah, can you just bring 'em over?
Me: Um...sure. You okay?
Him: I just...I dunno. I wanted to talk to you. I've been thinkin' a lot lately, and I don't feel right. I owe you an apology.
Me: Well...it's all over now. It doesn't really matter.
Him: No...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was scared. I was depressed. It wasn't you.
Me: ...I know.
Him: No. I messed up. I never meant to hurt you like that, darlin'.
Me: Please, no...don't call me that.
Him: Sorry. Shit. I'm sorry. I got scared, and I thought if I went back to her, maybe her family would accept me back into their lives, and I could earn their trust again. And from the looks of things, they probably will. I'll have a great job, and I'll be set up. Things are bad, Haley. The economy is bad. I need a job when I graduate. Her dad...
Me: I know. Babe, I always knew.
Him: What?
Me: Yeah. It was obvious. EVERYONE knew you were gonna go back to her. It's been...really horrible and embarrassing. But I guess it's nice to hear the truth for once. You know, that's all I ever wanted.
Him: I know. God. I'm so sorry. It's just...so fucked up. But you didn't do anything wrong. If I ever made you feel like you were a mistake, I'm so sorry. I meant it all. I meant the poems, I meant the CDs, I meant it when I said I'd never loved anyone but you. I meant it when I said you were beautiful. I wasn't lying.
I just...I got scared. I mean, you were right. Fear or love...I choose fear. And now I'm going back to that life. But you...you're gonna be happy. You're gonna find some great guy, someone who actually deserves you. I'm not a good guy. I told you that. I'm so sorry.
Me: No. You don't have to go back. You should do what YOU--
Him: No. I can't. You can't save everybody, Haley. It's not your fault. It's just what I have to do.
Me (crying, at this point): I'm...I'm sorry. I think about you every day. I want to hate you so fucking bad and I just can't. It still hurts so bad, Will. You really were my best friend. I'm sorry...you don't want to hear this...
Him: No. Stop apologizing! It's not...your...fault. Stop blaming yourself.
Me: I just...I miss you.
Him: I miss you too.
Me: I'll bring the books over, if you want.
Him: Yeah...come over. My roommate's over at his girlfriend's house.
Me: Will...
Him: Listen. I'm leaving soon. And after that, I can't ever come back. But tonight, I thought we could...I don't know. You don't have to.
Me: Yeah.
Him: Yeah?
Me: This is a terrible idea.
Him: (laughs) Well babydoll, you and me have a long and storied history with terrible ideas.
Me: Heh. Yeah...we sure do. I'll be there in ten minutes.