Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

Mesa, Arizona USA



her: i can hear you breathing. talk to me.
me: i'm sorry for last night. you're just so damn far away, and i got lonely.
her: i don't know what to do with you, little girl
me: just stay with me. i need you.
her: i can't commit myself to someone i cant even see, or touch or talk face to face with, i can barely do that with someone who is ten inches away from me at all times. so what else is there?
me: i have all these plans of getting rid of you. they don't work out. i get scared of being without you then, make these grand ideas of being on my own. but then just can't be on my own and that's when i fall into someone else. someone not as good or beautiful or warm not in the least. and i'm worse off than before. it just comes about when i get this nugget in my mind that you aren't here. ya know? you don't want me, don't have time for me
her: i just want to keep you in a box and take you out when i need you. if you could fashion a box....
me: be serious. i'm too big for a box and you get claustrophobic.
-------attempt at a joke, but then panic sets in-------------
wait, when you need me? are you seeing someone else?
her: i'm just keeping my options open.
me: they're closed! you have me! you love me...don't you?
her: here's the thing. i know i love you. you know i love you. i know you love me. blah blah blah. but who the hell said that love is all you need? oh yeah, the beatles.
-------uncomfortable silence--------
give me three days. and i'll make a solid decision about how to keep you in my life or take you out of it either way its going to be hard, so which one is more beneficial? i dont know.
me: hmm.... that sounds good... to you. good to you, awful for me three days? no.
her: just--
me: ya know what? i love you. love you too much to stay potentially with you and then have one of us feel trapped or bored or unloved and go off w some boy to find something to make us feel SOMETHING. and then neeedneedneed the other the next day but not have the other the next day. i love you and don't want to resent you ever. which would happen if we tried to keep each other. we'd fade because it won't be as good as it was this past spring and summer. as much as i don't want to say this, i think we should be done.
----------nothingnothingnothing is said by either--------
me: are you...are you crying? please...
her: i'm not. im just done pleading with you and myself and all of this
me: stay my friend. you are too much of me to leave completely. please stay with me as a friend. shit. gotta go. ride's here for dinner.
her: remember to use a condom.
me: it's not like that. don't say that, please. nothing happened with him last night but a nap.
her: we are officially friends now, little girl. friends encourage that nonsense.
me: yes, but there's a period in between.
her: there's not.
me: i'm not a switch from lover to buddy.
her: you are, though. and i've just turned you off. you're gone now.
--------dial tone-------------