ASSIGNMENTS:
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Hazel Frost
Tulsa, Oklahoma USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS NEXT
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Me: Hello?
Him: Hey. You called me last night?
Me: Oh. Sorry... I mean... That was pretty fucking embarrassing. My friends say I need a phone with a built-in breathalizer. (Laugh nervously.)
Him: So... you're okay?
Me: Oh, yeah... I mean, I wasn't last night, the whole thing was horrifying... but I'm okay... Relatively speaking, I mean...
Him: You know, by "okay," I just mean... not in any imminent physical danger. Not, you know, bleeding on the side of the fuckin' interstate or being gang-raped or anything. I don't give a fuck how you are emotionally, you know that.
Me: (Laugh nervously again.) Thanks for that, Steven. I really appreciate it.
Him: Hey, as long as you still look the same when I get to fuckin' Providence, Rhode Island. I don't want to have to change my registration name and fake a British accent to avoid you for two weeks, you know?
Me: I--
Him: It'd be like, you'd be all, "hey, Steven, over here!" and I'd be like, fuckin' (in a poorly impersonated Cockney accent): "I have no idea what you're talking about. That's not my name." (He laughs.)
Me: Isn't that... How is that different from what you do now?
Him: It's fuckin' not at all, I'm glad you noticed.
Me: I--
Him: Listen, I gotta go. We're starting a crackhouse in the basement to fund the project, the whole thing is fuckin' wild.
(Silence.)
Me: (Whimper softly and pathetically.)
Him: You don't even talk anymore, you just make these ridiculous fuckin' noises. What do you want me to do?
Me: I just... I mean--
Him: Listen, I gave you, like... 4 minutes here. That's more than I give my mother, you have to understand, I'm so fucking busy...
Me: (Silence)
Him: Is that all? Like, you're okay, right? No missing limbs?
Me: I miss you, Steven.
Him: I know. Listen, I'll see you soon?
Me: (Silence)
Him: Bye!
(Click.)
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