Learning To Love You More




Assignment #14
Write your life story in less than a day.

Redlands, California USA



i was born in Redlands and it is where I have lived for 20 (nearly 21) years. I grew up in a family of four, my parents both in education and strong believers that their children have the ability to do anything they want to do in life. Unfortunately, as I grew, some of the "wants" that I experienced did not match what they might've had in mind for me. I always had a penchant for doing whatever I felt was in my best interest, regardless of whether it actually was; this fact is documented in many ways (for example, the many journals that i have written in from when I was 8 until now, the countless nights I ran off on my own to do whatever I felt would suit me best, the images of me in the background of family pictures avoiding all contact in attempt to make a point). In high school I fell in love, or at least I thought I did. Whether it was a real kind of love or a childish kind of love does not in reality matter, what matters is the effect the experience had on me. When it ended I was at a loss. I knew I had something and was now missing it; that fact combined with turning 17 and looking into my future with a big cartoon question mark above my head sent me over the edge. I stopped caring, though I convinced myself that everything was just fine in an attempt to mask what was really going on and make it through to the other end of the tunnel. I fooled myself and my friends but not my parents. I was sent to a program with 40 other girls in the mountains of san diego where I spent the first 5 months wishing for the courage to run away, the next 5 sulking because I couldn't find it and the last 5 months realizing that staying when I didn't have to made me stronger than running away ever would've. I have been home for two and a half years now and I am struggling a bit with feeling stagnant. Lately though, I have felt motivation to drag myself away from comfort and familiarity towards a place of uncertainty and growth. The future is unwritten but I will get back to you.