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Brittany K.
Pasadena, California USA
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I was born with brown eyes, something my Mother says is quite a rarity among newborns. Apparently, babies usually have blue eyes when they are born, which gradually change as they grow older. I'm not sure about the merit of this fact; however, like all people I enjoy being different, and I liked being a brown-eyed baby girl.
I was born to a Raymond Michael K and a Mickey K shortly after their cheesy early 90's wedding. Raymond Michael was the first of only two guys that my Mom dated and never cheated on. She dated a lot of guys and did a lot of cheating beforehand, but decided to kick that habit in her first marriage. Mickey also kicked a rather rampant alcohol addiction when she was pregnant with me. My father is still an alcoholic, and lives in a halfway house. Mickey is the co-owner of a halfway house now, and is working on her degree in addiction counseling.
Back to my birth though. I was born on Easter Sunday. March 31, 1991. I was a huge baby. My Mother called me her Buddha Baby and Bushka Boo. She sang me a song in infancy that I remember clearly to this day:
My little baby Brittany
She's so very special to me
And I love her, yes I do.
She's my little Bushka Boo.
Yes I love Brittany (repeat 2x)
Because she's my girl.
This perfectly summed up Mickey's feelings for me. She was the best Mother I could have asked for. When I watch old movies of us, I am still struck by her constant devotion to me. I love her. My father sang a song to me too. It went a little bit like this:
Bee billy oatin doatin
Be-bop badeetin dotin'
Ch! Ch!
Ch! Ch! Ch!
I think this sums up Raymond's place in my life quite well: unintelligible and sporadic. Mickey left him when I was around two years old. We moved back in with my grandparents. She left him because he was a big drinker, a bad father, and had invited my Aunt to shack up with him in a hotel room.
Later, when I was four, Mickey married Larry Kramer. They are still in love and still together over 10 years later. I do not consider him my father, but I do appreciate what he does for my family, especially my Mom. Mickey had another kid with Larry, a boy named Carson. He is four years younger than me. I think of Carson as my little brother, not as a stepbrother or anything like that. He is one of the loves of my life. I have never met a more sweet, loving, happy, and well-adjusted boy. I hope he never changes. When I hold him, I am afraid to lose him.
My brother and I went to school at Calvary Baptist Church Academy. As you might imagine from the name, this school was sheltered, bible-busting, and just horrifying in general. Carson and I both hated it. In Kindergarten, I developed a huge fear of strangers. When the police came to talk about strangers, I cried for the whole day. I was afraid to sleep in my own bed, go to public places, or play in my front yard. I can now sleep in my own bed, but this fear has translated into what I can only refer to as mild social anxiety.
I met my best friend in the first grade (approximately). She lived across the street from me, and we met through our mutual friend Lance. Lance wore diapers until he was 8 years old, and I once caught him peeing in my front yard. I told Larry, and Larry talked to him about the proper places to pee. I don't think it stuck, because Lance later convinced me to pee in the woods. I peed in my shoe and came home crying and distraught with one yellow sneaker. My best friend's name is Samantha M. She is still my best friend. She lived with her Mom-Mom across the street when I met her. Mom-Mom was a beautiful lady who was full of life and energy. She was the type of person who did anything and everything. Piano, karaoke, painting, and balloon animals were some of her hobbies. She died unexpectedly when Samantha and I were awkward preteens. I still miss her, and I think Samantha does too.
Samantha and I used to play Put-Put Goes to the Moon and Oregon Trail on her Mom-Mom's computer. We also played this game called 'animals' with my plastic jungle collection. She would be the lion family, with a Dad and a Mom and babies. I was always the tiger family, which had no Dad. She was a year older than me, and always seemed to know a little more about life than myself. Looking back, it is pretty obvious that she was the dominant force in our friendship, but I don't think either of us minded that.
When I was about 10, Samantha moved to Texas. She loved it there, while I was miserable at home. I got a new next-door neigbor, Mandy. Mandy was two years older than me, and quite the perv. She always made her barbies have sex, complete with sound effects. Now I wonder why she was so focused on the act of sex at such an early age. Part of me thinks she may have been the victim of some sort of abuse. She made Lance show her his penis outside next to his chimney. I only looked a little bit, and what I saw was enough to scare the crap out of me.
My friends at school were Ally R. and Leah Z. When I went over Ally's house, her Mom made me eat sausage until I threw up. When I went over Leah's house, her older brother made me watch pornos. He also messed up the rest of my life.
In school, I was the quiet girl prone to tears. I had a huge crush on Alex Smith. He did the best Ed Edd & Eddy impressions ever. God, I loved that kid. He moved to Japan with his military Mom before I could profess my love. Alex, if you're out there, please come find me. I no longer have a man haircut or glasses or braces. I miss your horse teeth.
Samantha came back from Texas when I was in middle school. She and I were very close then, because neither of us had many friends. We hung out all weekend every weekend. We watched tacky horror films every Friday night usually. I remember lying next to her in my bed at the fragile age of 12, talking about my sexuality for the first time ever. This one night of innocent openness cemented our friendship entirely. We still lie in bed and talk about sex sometimes.
In middle school, I broke a boy's heart for the first time. Andy B's heart. We looked a lot alike, me and Andy B. We both had glasses, braces, and man hair so I guess we had stuff in common. Anyway, in the 6th grade, my hair was beginning to grow out and Andy was the first to notice me. We "went out" for a few days before I broke it off. The thought of breaking his heart tore me up, and I cried in my laundry room. Andy B. cried too when I told him. He sniffed sharpies at school to seem cool. I saved the sharpies he gave me for a while, but I think they ended up getting thrown out.
The next boy I liked was Sahil P. He was from India, which I thought was the bees' knees. Turns out he doesn't know a shit about India, even though he visits sometimes. He didn't like me back then, but he liked to torture me. We sat together in math class and he hit me and pinched me when the teacher wasn't looking. He likes me now, and asks me on dates regularly, but he had his chance. Anyway, the boy is mean and dense like a doorknob.
Finally, there was Matt S. Matt had very thin red hair that he combed foreward and gelled. You could see the comb lines very clearly. His hair never seemed to grow either. Everyone in my 8th grade class liked him, I guess out of desperation. He looked like a big rosy potato. He had a crush on me, but never spoke to me. I told his friends that I didn't like him and he decided to stop liking me once I got my braces off. He said he liked me because of them, but I didnt buy that. Anyway, Matt is now a pothead with a marijuana leaf for his instant messenger icon. I wonder sometimes if I could have changed the course of his life by dating him.
In the 8th grade, I had this teacher who I absolutely despised - Mr. Castle. He reminded me of Frankenstein and an ironing board put together. Mr. Castle had a major case of sexism. He thought that girls couldn't do anything. I was the best artist in his art class, but he never put my work on the board. He always put Patrick's stuff on the board, and all he could draw were stupid cartoons. Mr. Castle told me that women could not be president, because they were too emotional. I tried not to yell at him about it, because I didn't want to seem too emotional. He also gave the 8th graders a number to call to keep our country from being "run by fags". I'm almost sure that if I had taken this information to the Principal, I could have gotten his ironing board ass fired. Now I guess it doesn't matter.
In the summer of the 8th grade, Mickey and Larry sat Carson and I down on the couch. I asked if we were going to have a baby, mostly as a joke. Larry looked light-headed. He said that a boy had called him, claiming to be his son. A DNA test proved this claim to be true. Thus, our family was stuck with Larry's lovechild from the Navy days - Blake. Blake is a year older than I am, but a grade lower. He was held back two years because his drug addict mother could never pay rent or keep track of him at all. For living in such a messed up environment for his whole life, Blake was a very normal kid. His only faults were laziness and a huge desire to be loved.
At first, I hated Blake. He treated Carson like shit, mostly because he saw my sweet little brother as a main contender for attention. Meanwhile, Mickey saw Blake as a contender too. While everyone was busy vying for Larry's attention, I was just sort of chilling out in my room in the basement. I'm glad I didn't care about Larry, because it would have been pretty crazy if all of us were duking it out for his time. Blake and Mickey both adjusted though. Carson just kept being himself, and everyone kept loving him. Blake is now one of my best friends. We tell each other our secrets and talk all the time. All three of us kids are very close now, and we like to make fun of Mickey and Larry together. (Don't tell!)
I really can't say much about high school, as I am still in the process of living it. I transferred from Calvary Baptist to a Catholic high school. It has been much more enjoyable and less restrictive than my previous school. I got my first girl-crush in freshman year. It confused me to hell. I had my first real boyfriend, real kiss, and real other things. I'm not sure if I've been in love yet. It's something that worries me a lot because I can never quite tell. I became a vegetarian the summer before freshman year, and I still am today. I became an atheist then too.
I will be graduating next year. Samantha graduated this year and is leaving me again, this time for college. I love her and I hope we can still stay close friends. I have three friends at my high school right now, Liz, Lauren, and Christy. All three are amazing people, and we are very close. We have done a lot of fun things together. Yesterday, we went streaking on a golf course.
My future is a source of fear and wonder for me. I tend to be a cynical person, but I have very sincere hopes that I will succeed in what I want to do. If you are a particularly pious person, maybe you could pray for me. I am searching for the strength to do something amazing.
p.s. This autobiography, which I wrote in two hours, is longer than my Government paper, which I wrote over the course of two weeks.
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